Case Study: Linda G.
In April of 1974, I became pregnant. I was seventeen, unmarried, and
scared to death. My boyfriend, Bill, had wanted to marry me for some time,
so when I found out I was pregnant, I said okay.
I couldn't bear the thought of having to tell my parents because I knew
it would hurt them really badly. I was raised in a Christian home; I knew
I was wrong and that I had failed them again. So I decided not to tell
My mother planned an enormous wedding; four hundred and fifty people
showed up. I was so ashamed. I couldn't believe this was happening to me.
But deep down inside me I was really happy about my baby. Nothing else
seemed right, but I was happy about having a baby.
As the days went by, I thought it would be easier to tell my parents
now. When I told my mom, it was like placing a knife in her heart. I felt
so guilty for having hurt my Mom and Dad that way. But after two days,
Mom accepted my pregnancy and knew she had to make the best of it. I became
really excited about the baby, and began to think of boys' and girls' names.
But in the meantime, Bill had started pushing me around. I was scared
for the baby. We were separated one month after we were married.
When I had learned I was pregnant, the doctor had suggested an abortion,
and I had said NO. When I told the doctor I was separated, he asked me
if I had thought anymore about having an abortion. Again I said no.
But it was then that I first began to consider it. All I could remember
was one of my girlfriends telling me that hers was a breeze. In fact, she
had recommended that if I ever got pregnant, abortion was the answer.
I started questioning my parents about abortion. They really didn't
understand anything about it, but they told me they would help me in any
decision that I made. I wanted them to tell me exactly what happens when
one has an abortion, but no one talked too much about that sort of thing
openly back then.
I really didn't know where to go from this point, so I finally asked
my doctor. He told me that since I was 14 to 16 weeks pregnant, I would
have to have a saline abortion. He said it wasn't that bad, but that I
would have to be admitted to the hospital.
He never told me how big my baby was or any of the complications that
could happen, and he certainly didn't tell me about the aftereffects. I
trusted him because he had the title of "doctor."
Somewhere in the back of my mind I could hear a scripture being quoted,
"Thou shalt not kill...." But I just ignored it, because everyone else
said that this was the easiest way out.
I called my doctor and went into the hospital the next day. They put
a needle into my stomach; even though my stomach was supposed to be numbed,
it hurt really badly. I could feel the needle going into my womb, and I
got real scared.
After this they took me up to a room on the maternity ward. I could
hear babies crying, and new mothers laughing about their babies. I was
so confused that I started crying.
That night was the longest night of my life. My stomach was cramping
and I could feel strange movement in my stomach. I wished at this time
that I had never decided to do this.
The next day was terrible. My stomach really began to feel bad. I could
still feel the strange movement in my stomach. I didn't realize that this
was my baby fighting for her life.
Finally the time came for my baby to be born. I could feel her coming
through the birth canal and I kept telling the intern the baby was coming.
All she did was say OK and left the room. She could have cared less.
My baby was born right there in my bed with me. She looked just like
a normal child except that her skin was all red from being burned by the
The intern came back in and said sarcastically that I had been right
about the baby coming. My baby laid between my legs for fifteen minutes
before the intern picked her up and placed her in a basin.
I couldn't believe that my doctor hadn't told me that my baby was eight
inches long and looked like a little human being. He had kept important
information from me, and I was really upset about that.
Little did I know that day marked the beginning of eight long years
of living in hell. I began to have nightmares all the time; the picture
of my dead child wouldn't leave my mind.
I began to drink a lot, and also did a lot of drugs. I started blaming
my parents for allowing me to go through the abortion. I withdrew from
my friends and family.
After about a year I started having severe pain in my cervix area. The
doctor found four spots on my cervix. They removed the spots and called
it a mild case of cervical cancer.
Two years after my abortion, I met my future husband, Frank. Frank knew
from the start about me having the abortion and was very kind about the
whole thing. I really wanted to have a baby by this time, and five months
after our marriage I did get pregnant.
Everything was normal for three months, and then I began to bleed. Right
away I thought God was doing this to me and that I was going to miscarry
The bleeding stopped after two weeks, and on the day before Mother's
Day, I delivered a little girl. It was the most exciting time of my life.
Even though I wasn't a Christian, I could see God's hand in this miracle
When our daughter was ten months old, I became pregnant again. I carried
this child for about three months, then lost it. I became pregnant again,
had a normal pregnancy, and delivered a healthy baby boy.
But even after having two children, I couldn't get the abortion off
my mind. My marriage was falling apart and I really didn't care. My mother
threatened to take my children from me but I still didn't care.
One day, though, I was riding a friend's horse, and it threw me off
and knocked me unconscious. I began to think about how fast one leaves
this life to enter heaven or hell. I had always thought I had a lot of
time to get saved before I would die.
The Lord really began to speak to me then. Finally, I knew what I had
to do. I wanted to give my life to Jesus Christ, and I wanted to walk the
aisle at church so everyone would know. I made my profession of faith and
My lifestyle and my whole attitude changed. I've been a volunteer in
my church's Save-A-Baby Ministry since then. I've seen miracles happen
so many times in this ministry, and I thank God for using me this way
Originally published in The PostAbortion Review 6(2) Spring 1998..